Maulana Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhi (Rumi)

I have lived on the lip of insanity…

I have lived on the lip of insanity

I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve been knocking from the inside.

Rumi

من در آستانه‌ی دیوانگی زندگی می‌کردم، در جستجوی دلایل، بر دری می‌کوبیدم. در باز شد. فهمیدم که تمام این مدت از درون در را می‌کوبیده‌ام.

این نقل قول بیانگر سفری درونی است که بسیاری از ما انسان‌ها طی می‌کنیم. مولانا به ما یادآوری می‌کند که پاسخ بسیاری از پرسش‌های عمیق زندگی، درون خودمان نهفته است. ما اغلب به دنبال دلایل و پاسخ‌ها در بیرون از خودمان می‌گردیم، اما حقیقت این است که گاهی تمام تلاش ما برای یافتن حقیقت، صرفاً به‌خاطر ناآگاهی از خود واقعی‌مان است. «در» نماد آگاهی است، و فهمیدن اینکه از درون در می‌زدیم، نشان‌دهنده بیداری و خودشناسی است.

مولانا

Ман дар остонаи девонагӣ зиндагӣ мекардам, дар ҷустуҷӯи далелҳо, ба даре кӯфтам. Дар кушода шуд. Фаҳмидам, ки тамоми ин муддат аз дарун ба дар кӯфта истода будам.

Ин иқтибос як саёҳати ботиниро нишон медиҳад, ки аксари мо одамон аз сар мегузаронем. Мавлоно моро ба ёд меорад, ки ҷавобҳои бисёре аз саволҳои амиқи зиндагӣ дар дохили худи мо ҳастанд. Мо аксар вақт дар берун аз худ далелҳо ва ҷавобҳоро меҷӯем, аммо ҳақиқат ин аст, ки гоҳе тамоми кӯшишҳои мо барои ёфтани ҳақиқат, танҳо аз надонистани худи мо сарчашма мегиранд. “Дар” рамзи шуур аст, ва фаҳмидан, ки мо аз дохил ба дар кӯфта истода будем, нишон медиҳад, ки шахс бедор шуда ва худро мешиносад.

МАВЛОНО ҶАЛОЛУДДИН МУҲАММАДИ БАЛХӢ 

كنت أعيش على عتبة الجنون، أبحث عن الأسباب، وأطرق بابًا. فُتح الباب. أدركت أنني طوال هذا الوقت كنت أطرق الباب من الداخل.

هذا الاقتباس يعبّر عن رحلة داخلية يمر بها معظم الناس. يذكّرنا مولانا بأن العديد من الإجابات على أسئلتنا العميقة موجودة في داخلنا. غالبًا ما نبحث عن الأسباب والحلول خارج أنفسنا، ولكن الحقيقة هي أن جهودنا للعثور على الحقيقة قد تكون نتيجة لعدم معرفتنا بأنفسنا الحقيقية. الباب هنا يرمز إلى الوعي، وإدراك أننا كنا نطرق الباب من الداخل يشير إلى يقظة روحية واكتشاف الذات.

مولانا جلال الدیم محمد الرومي

This quote by Rumi is a profound reflection on the nature of spiritual seeking, inner transformation, and the paradox of understanding. To analyze it deeply, we will break it down line by line and explore its metaphysical, psychological, and philosophical implications.

“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons,”

  • “Lived on the lip of insanity”: The “lip” of insanity implies that the speaker has been on the edge of madness, as though teetering between rationality and irrationality. It conveys a state of tension, where the pursuit of logical answers or reason has pushed the individual to the brink of despair or confusion. The “lip” suggests a boundary or threshold, and this choice of language evokes a feeling of being close to the abyss of existential crisis.
  • “Wanting to know reasons”: This part of the quote highlights a yearning for clarity, understanding, or justification. The speaker’s desire for reasons represents the human need to make sense of the world, to explain the mysteries of existence in a logical, linear way. It’s an intellectual pursuit, but Rumi hints that this intellectual approach can lead one toward the “lip of insanity” — the edge of an experience that reason alone cannot explain. It’s a tension between the mind’s attempt to control and understand and the deeper mysteries of life, which resist simple, reasoned explanations.

“Knocking on a door. It opens.”

  • “Knocking on a door”: The act of knocking on a door suggests an effort to connect with something beyond oneself, a desire to be invited into a deeper understanding, or an encounter with the unknown. The door represents a threshold to a different level of awareness, whether spiritual, existential, or psychological. Knocking implies a sense of earnest seeking, a recognition that something lies beyond the immediate experience and a willingness to approach it, even if the way forward is uncertain or mysterious.
  • “It opens”: This moment of the door opening represents an answer or a revelation. After persistent seeking, the door (symbolic of insight, truth, or spiritual awakening) opens, inviting the individual into a new realm of experience. The opening of the door implies that the question has been answered, but in a surprising way, beyond the rational mind’s expectation. The door opening suggests an initiation into something that transcends the intellect — a deeper, more profound experience that is felt rather than reasoned.

“I’ve been knocking from the inside.”

  • “I’ve been knocking from the inside”: This is the final twist, which radically changes the perspective on the entire preceding narrative. The realization that “I’ve been knocking from the inside” suggests that the door and the answers the speaker sought were always within them. The outside world, or the search for reason, was only a projection of an internal desire. The speaker has come to the realization that the very thing they were searching for — the truth, the understanding, the connection — was not outside of themselves but inside. This is a mystical revelation: true insight or enlightenment comes not from external search or intellectual reasoning but from an inner awakening.

Deep Themes:

  1. The Illusion of External Search: Rumi often critiques the idea of seeking truth externally. The external world, with its logic and reason, can only take us so far. It’s not through the accumulation of knowledge or external wisdom that true understanding occurs. Instead, true spiritual insight comes from within, and this “knocking from the inside” suggests that the divine, or the ultimate truth, is not something we seek outside ourselves, but something we uncover within.
  2. Paradox of Seeking and Finding: The poem reveals a paradox — the more one seeks answers in the external world (the door), the closer one gets to madness, because the rational mind cannot fully explain or control the mysteries of existence. At the same time, the deeper truth is already present inside, and the quest itself is part of the spiritual process that leads one to the realization of this inner truth.
  3. Mystical Experience and Non-Duality: In mysticism, especially in Sufism (Rumi’s tradition), the notion of seeking and finding on an external level is transcended by the experience of non-duality. The “knocking from the inside” suggests that the seeker and the sought are one. The realization that the “door” and the “seeker” are not separate entities points to the mystical insight that all separation is an illusion. The divine (or truth) is not something one seeks from a distance but something one discovers as already part of oneself.
  4. Psychological Transformation: Psychologically, this quote speaks to the human experience of striving for meaning and clarity, often leading to frustration or “insanity” when reason cannot explain the complexities of life. The moment of realization that “I’ve been knocking from the inside” suggests a shift in perspective — moving from an external, analytical mindset to an introspective, intuitive one. It reflects a psychological transformation where the mind recognizes that the answers it seeks lie not in the outside world, but in the depths of the self.
  5. Surrender to the Mystical: Rumi’s writing often points to the necessity of surrendering the ego and the intellect in order to experience the divine. The “knocking from the inside” indicates that the seeker, through surrender, comes to the realization that they are part of the very thing they seek. This is a theme of unity with the divine, and in Sufi thought, it represents the mystical journey toward God, where the seeker merges with the sought.

Conclusion:

This quote encapsulates Rumi’s profound understanding of the human condition — the search for meaning, the conflict between the intellect and the spirit, and the eventual realization that truth is not something to be found externally but is inherent within. It is a call to let go of the need for external validation or reasoning and to trust the wisdom that resides within. Through this surrender, the seeker experiences a transformative shift, coming to understand that the door to enlightenment has always been open from the inside.